I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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