when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
