Already got asked if we're dating
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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