Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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