I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
