Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
