so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
be right there i have to get my cape
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
