it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
