Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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