I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
