im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
someone owes me an orgasm
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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