dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
