It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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