took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
