he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
