i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
