Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
