he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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