She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
