apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
