Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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