this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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