Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
