better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
