evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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