I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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