I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
