You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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