I wish I could punch you in the face.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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