I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
