I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
