he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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