I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
