I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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