she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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