I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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