dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
