I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
