it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I love having hate sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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