She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
