Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Everyone says I win the strip club
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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