remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
