just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
