He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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