She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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