Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
