I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have fence marks all over my body
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
