Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
