Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
