i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
